Woman
We are all wired to care for others, but for women this natural desire along with cultural expectations can be especially strong. Caring is rewarding, but the costs are high too. With its simple piano and string arrangement, this torch song is a moving plea to carers to care for themselves as well.
You can listen and download opposite - or scroll down to listen on Spotify, Apple Music and other platforms. Downloads are free if you set the price to £0, but you can also choose to make a contribution, half of which I will pass on to Oxfam.
The song was inspired by the experience of a friend who was caring for both a daughter with special needs and an elderly mother. Find out more about the story of the song as well as the lyrics and liner notes below.
The Story Behind the song
I was part of a very special group of people taking a course called ‘the Soul of Leadership’. We shared very openly with each other about our struggles and joys, not only at work but also at home. I was very touched by the challenges one of my fellow course members was facing, caring for both her daughter with special needs and her aging mother. She had reached a point of exhaustion and burn out - emotionally as well as physically.
I so wanted to put my arm around her and let her know how much i respected all that she had given - and to plead with her to allow herself to care for her own needs too. At the end of our residential we were invited to write a few words to draw together what we had learnt. What came to me became the lyrical foundation of this song.
I always know when I song has ‘legs’ because it continues to grab my attention - I can’t leave it alone. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that it won’t leave me alone. Over the next few days the lyric evolved and as I sat at the piano with the words a chord sequence and melody slowly emerged. This wasn’t a song that came to me fully formed. It was a gradual process of adding, refining, taking away and refining further, until I felt the emotional resonance of the words and melody shine through as I played it.
Not many of us are caring for an adult child with a high level of support need. But the experience of caring for both the generation below and the generation above is a common one - especially for women in mid life. Once the song was complete, I recognised that I hadn’t just written it for my course-mate, but for female friends who I saw losing themselves in their caring roles. And the more I played it and allowed the words to really sink in, the more I realised that I had written it for myself too. Sometimes it takes resonating with someone else’s struggle, to find the wisdom and kindness that we ourselves need.
Lyrics and liner notes
Verse
Sometimes a woman gives so completely
She forgets to hold a piece back in reserve
So touched by the calling of the other
She doesn’t hear her own voice saying “its too much”
Sometimes a heart is bound so deeply
It just carries on bold and proud
Sometimes a light can burn so brightly
No one notices it’s burning out
Chorus 1
Woman of strength
Woman of soul
What are you carrying beneath that smile
Lay down your burdens
Come into my arms
And rest a while
Daughter of faithfulness
Mother of love
Please don’t forget your duty to yourself
Sweet child of tenderness
Wise elder of truth
Hear me I pray
Don’t turn away
Bridge
Sometimes you have to hold your head high
And know that you are worthy and complete
Pleasing others is a fools game
If pleasing means you silence your own needs
Chorus 2
Woman of strength
Woman of soul
Know its ok to take time for yourself
Time to remember
Time to heal
Time to pray
I honour your strength
I honour your soul
I honour your sacrifice, you’ve given it your all
I honour your weariness
I honour your tears
I honour you
Let go and let through
Let love carry you
Rest and renew
Lyrics and melody by Joy Jefford
Copyright: Joy MacKeith
Producer, sound recording, mixing and mastering: Jake Skinner (Echopine Music)
Lead vocals: Joy Jefford
Piano, violin, viola, cello, bass guitar, backing vocals: Andrew Stuart-Buttle
joy performs 'woman' at ep launch
“Listening for the first time was a true moment of healing and being seen.... It was validating and beautiful and spoke to my heart.”
— Listener